changes, and the challenges that forced the changes

a few things have happened since my last post.  i keep wanting to write more often, in smaller bits.. but i just can't find the time to sit down and piece anything together.

hmm, i finished the Bay to Breakers, 12k run about 3 weeks ago.  it was a really fulfilling run, it was a great experience and it was fun enjoying it with all my friends.. but i know i'm being tough on myself, but i fell short of my goal time of 1 hr.  it's frustrating, knowing how hard i worked in the gym and knowing how much gas i had left in my tank at the end of the run.. i definitely didn't give it my all, but i'm sure i'll do better next time.  since then, i've been getting back into weight gaining and strength training.. since it's summer time and time to even out that farmers tan.

i recently got a pay raise at work.. despite the economic woes all around us, i got a pay raise.  it's deserving and i'm elated to be rewarded, i'm only hopeful that it'll encourage me to continue to work hard and advance myself.  i'm stil waiting on grad school acceptance, i'm wondering why it's taking so long.. :(.  and with the spring semester classes over, i need to find something productive to do.. back to art, guitar and learning foreign languages i hope?

my car died, no shocker.  with the way i beat it up everyday i drive it, it's a wonder it even stays parked in front of my house.  i thought it would've ran away or something.  i don't really know what's wrong with it, i suspect it's something to do with the fuel end of the system, since the car refuses to start now.. which means 1 of 3 things, it's the electrical sytem, the fuel system, or the compression system.  i'm not sure how to properly diagnose it, but i'm leaning towards the fuel system.  all that means is that i've been taking public transportation, getting up at 4am to get to work by 6:30-7:00.  it feels good to get up early, and public transportation hasn't been all that bad.. i can actually get some shuteye on the ride to/from work.  if only i could find a way to get to the gym and my social events, i wouldn't need the car.  but public transportation isn't as reliable as it seems, and i find myself stranded in parts of long beach, walking around until i could find the right bus.. thank god i like walking, haha.  it also reiterates that i have a great sense of direction, which i appreciate everyday.. cuz i could easily be lost with all the public transportation and walking i do these days.

and lastly, sopheary wrote me one of the best letters i've ever received.  julien wrote me a tear jerker a few weeks ago, thanking me for the services i offered him for his birthday.  and sopheary wrote a letter describing why i'm special.  i think it's nice, every once in a while to receive acclaim for being yourself.  i don't think i deserve alot of it, since i know that i'm far from being who it is that i want the world to witness.  but i'm working hard everyday, i'm making tough choices, and i'm making good choices.  i know that i'm being rewarded day in and day out, with opportunities, with good friends, with great health, with a great outlook on life.  it's times like these, where i feel like i've done something worthwhile, that i've met some milestone in my life.  i know it's not the end of my hardwork, but it could serve as a place for me to look back and realize the changes i've made, and why i've made them.  and with friends reading and leaving me messages about the letter, it only signifies that the things that sopheary sees in me, are the same things that everyone else sees in me.. i think it's a sign that i've done my best at being true to everyone, good friend or not.  if you want to read the heart warming letter, feel free to read it on my facebook.  i thought it would be a great way to emphasize my thanks to sopheary for all the wonderful words she left with me.  :)

12k + braces

updates

I know I was supposed to share some things about 2 weeks ago, but for whatever reason I never got around to it.  Since I was very productive today at work, I decided to share some of the updates that I can remember or that were recent.

For a while now, nearly 3 months or so of work + school + gym + long weekends, it all took a toll on my life.  I was suffering at work, suffering in classes, suffering emotionally and physically.  Things weren't looking good for a while.  While I reached out to friends for help, a few were kind enough to give me some of their time and allowed me to vent about things.  That in a sense relieved me of much of my anguish and really lit a light under my fire to keep me motivating to moving forward.  About 2 weeks ago, I was severely fatigued and picked up some horribly bags under my eyes.  I fell asleep at the wheel and hit the barricade on the driver's side and luckily, I wasn't hit by any other cars.  I decided to pass on the gym for the next 2 weeks til I recouped much of that lost sleep and I'm feeling better now, and feel determined to regain on the lost gym time.  Luckily next week is my spring break off from classes.

I had some dental work done, unfortunately it's the beginning of much needed dental work.  I had a root canal, some gum surgery, and a temporary crown installed over the last 2 weeks.  Next in store is the removal of some wisdom teeth, bracework and the final installation of the permanent crown.  It reminds me why it's important to seek secondary and tertiary consultation on almost any kind of service you may require.  My previous dentist failed me and I'm paying for it 4 years later.  As a result, I've lost about 8 lbs of weight as I've had trouble eating and I've been waiting patiently (and in pain) for the next bi-weekly checkup for the next service in line.  But good thing is that I was hoping to lose some weight for my 12k run also, so it goes in line with what I had in mind anyways.

I was recently asked to be a groomsman for one of my college buddies.  I never thought we were great friends, we occasionally had lunch/dinner together on our long project nights.  We did our senior project study together, even worked the same internship and going through the same bullsh*t together there too, haha.  But never did I think I did anything to warrant his desire for me to be one of his groomsman.  It's always honorable to be asked to provide such a service and to share in someone's special day, so I took the position.  His wedding is schedule for November 19th, 2009.  Love and marriage, two of the most beautiful words in my vocabulary.

I'm saving a crazy amount of money, I've practically cut back on everything and anything.  60% of my funds goes to eating, either out for lunch, or with friends, or for groceries for the family.  The other 40% can be divided over the home's utility bills, gas for my car and whatever else I may chose to do with the limited funds I had allocated.  I'm already 60% of the way to my savings goal of the year, which was 10k.  And best of all, I'm ahead of pace on my loan repayment, ahead of pace on my down payment for my first rental property, and have even set aside funds for a new used car and my trip to Cambodia.  All of which were set in the 10k saviings plan.  At first the goal arose because of my fear of possible unemployment, but even with the recent good news, I intend on maintaining this humble, mediocre lifestyle while saving for some of my grand adventures this fall and thereforth.

And with that in regards to my job situation, despite working for the City of Los Angeles and working at the government level, my job wasn't very secure either.  It's hard being the new employee and it's even harder when you're temporary (need 6 months to become permanent).  My permanency date is April 27th, but downsizing starts after the fiscal year begins, which is April 16th.  At a recent meeting, about 2 weeks ago, my supervisor made the unfortunate announcement that our 11 person engineering team will be downsized by 2, that's a 18% decrease in workforce.  At that very moment, the silence in the room left and all you could hear was a bunch of clamor with fingers pointed at everyone else but themselves.  I felt uneasy, the tension was hard to deal with and the after the clamor was decreased to a few remarks, my supervisor asked if there were any volunteers or anyone with questions.  After 3 mins, I raised my hand and he asked me what was my question.  I said, "If I choose to leave or transfer, would I have a choice as to where I would be stationed next?"  In reply, he said "I appreciate your consideration for transfer and your desire to leave our group, but if you submit your transfer papers to me, I will personally see to it that you paperwork will be voided."  And with that, the room went completely quiet.  I had publicly offered my position, to save one of the elder individuals a chance at maintaining their job, only to be spared the layoff.  Now 10 people were fighting for 8 positions.  The next day, he called me into work to say that he appreciated my maturity and my willingness to spare a coworker.  I replied that it wasn't in my best interest to remove someone who did the work well and that I was young enough to pack up and move on to my next career move.  He said that was a fair answer to the situation at hand, but he said that I was too valuable to lose and that my skill set and potential was much more needed with our group, than with any group I would have wanted to transfer to.  It's hard hearing someone say kind things like that about me, I've never received alot of accolades for the work that I do, despite always believing that my ceiling and/or my potential was almost infintesimal.  I thank him sincerely for believing in me and for offering me the chance to prove to him that I'm very qualified not only for the opportunity at hand, but for future opportunities in my life.  And with that, we ended our conversation and I packed up to go home, only to sit in my car and tear up for 10-15 mins while I reflected on how happy my grandparents would've been to see me succeed to where I am now.  Their sacrifices have not gone without merit and I'm sure they were looking out for me in these times of despair.  Over the next week, I was asked to help him development a skills matrix to determine whether downsizing was 1) feasible and 2) economical.  And once that was completed, to determine which engineer was "disposable".  Although I don't have any personal attachments to any of the coworkers over my 5.5 month period with the City of LA, I always find it tough to say goodbye to anyone in particular.  Although I did not want to know the results of the study, he was adamant that I understand the process at which he took to arrive at the decision.  Hearing him go through his evaluations made me sick to my stomach, undermining my desire to promote myself from an Associate Engineer to a Full Engineer to a Senior Engineer, because of the difficulties that I would have to endure when making such tough decisions such as these.  Although my employment may be guaranteed for this fiscal year, who knows if this will be the end of the economic downturn that our group will encounter or not.  I would hate to have repeat this process, but I have to do whatever I can to best prepare myself for any unexpected changes in my career.

Lastly, my old friends from the Berkeley Cambodian club came to visit and celebrate the birthdays of one our own.  I can never say enough about the kind people who helped shape the individual that I am now.  To see us all grown up, 4 years void of the old relationship we had as members, friends and family.  It reiterates that our time on this earth, let alone the time we have with one another, is short and that we have to make the most of what it is that's provided for us.  Many people have said that I haven't changed much at all, that the same motivations that I've had and the same goals that I've strived for remain intact, but that the results of the hard work have become apparent.  They noted my continued involvement with the Cambodian clubs and the causes.  They noted my improved vernacular and dress, the 10 fold improvement over my Berkeley days.  They even noted the improved physique and the development of a dance skill set.  But on top of all those changes, they were not surprised with all that I've achieved in my short time (4 year) away from Berkeley.  They only expect more and better, and as a result I'm determined to continue to deliver on both their expectations of me and my expectations for myself.  I wish weekends like these never ended, but unfortunately we all must return back to our lives.

There are other notes and updates to share, but I think by the end of this week or the next, I will be privatizing my blogs.  I think it's time for me to keep some of my matters private to just myself and the few friends who want to continue to peruse my life.  I don't think I have an obligation to share my updates with anyone else and I hope that offends no one.

high school musical 3